how to draw a dawg

If, for some reason, you find yourself trying to impress a little kid who loves drawing dogs by actually drawing a dog yourself, then it would serve you well to watch this brief but important video:

This is my new favourite word: Sprezzatura (sprett-sah-toorah). How did I go so long without knowing this word? Perhaps because it is the exact opposite of everything I’ve ever done. If sprezzatura means making something difficult look easy then it really is the opposite of me. I make swimming look like drowning, walking look like tripping, and joking look like choking. The well rehearsed offhand aside is probably the best example of this. A zinger you’ve been waiting to let loose; waiting for just the opportune time to make a comment that everyone else believes is improvised. There are plenty of samples to choose from (“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee”) but the most recent one that comes to mind is Jack Layton’s “sweater” remark to Stephen Harper. Though he kind of wrecked it by returning to it again and again in the days following the debate.

Like Layton, I long for the ability to toss out impromptu missives like darts from my mouth rather than the spittle that usually spews forth. How does one appear more perfectly nonchalant? Practice, practice, practice.

$4300

$4300

Best comment yet – from Lewis Black, "Here's what I think, the hooker comes, the hooker leaves, then they bring in a new couch." and that's how you get your $4300 worth.

Why can't Canadian politics be this much fun?

David Sedaris' recent piece in the New Yorker has some strangely familiar elements to it (Polish mothers, anguished sons, air travel). For years, Italian momma's boys have been parodied in film and television but what of Polish men and their mothers?

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt…

Or have you? Well, I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me — thus, no t-shirt. If you've ever been unsure of exactly what you're feeling, maybe you need this t-shirt. Go to Threadless.com, sign up and vote for it. If it scores high enough, they'll print it, I'll stick a feather in me cap and call it macaroni and we can all feel good to better on a scale of 1 to 5.

Negotiate Like a Pro (ninja).

It is not my intention to post the entirety of John Hodgman's audio book in 3 minute snippets though that is what I appear to be doing. Yet, I feel that many of my creative professional colleagues share with me a rather poor business acumen and will no doubt accept help where ever they may find it. Which is why I present to you John Hodgman's 5 Secrets for Successful Negotiations.

Listen here.

Attack of the Killer Ads
In these trying times of increasingly polarized politics, it is important to understand the thinking of those who attempt to set voters against opponents using the dull-edged tool known as "The Attack Ad". It is also handy to know how you can use this bludgeoning form of communication in your daily life. Here, Mr. John Hodgman, the Daily Show's resident expert and little known humourist and author explains the formula and shares some examples of his own.

Listen to the ads here

This broadcast may not be recorded, published, re-broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the expressed written consent of the National Football League.

Livin' in Van, Down by the River

Livin' in Van, Down by the River

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car
keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was
speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "right
here, officer". Later, I parked it on the freeway, got out, and yelled at all
the cars, "Get out of my driveway!"
-Steven Wright

That is so funny, especially as it happened to me just the other night. Actually, it happens a lot in my Anderson Mobile Estate. Funny story; one time after flushing the toilet, I accidentally released the hand brake. Luckily, I didn't roll too far out of my parking spot. Parking permits for this thing are a bitch but hey, sure beats property tax.

Commuting in T.O. I felt like I was living in my car so what the Hell, why not just have a house on wheels? Ok, so gassing up sucks, but no matter where I go, I'm home. I could just park on the Gardiner and who would notice? I'll bet everyone will be doing this soon. If you're looking to buy a home in Toronto, forget condos, town homes or a semi, go mobile estate. Forget modern pre-fab or customized shipping containers. This mutha rocks! Don't like your neighbours? Drive away. Taxes go up? Drive away.

The only downside is it's the only house in Toronto that depreciates 30% the day you drive it off the lot. On the plus side though, you feel so safe when you drive, it's like Hummers will bounce off you like bugs.*

*The makers of Anderson Mobile Estates do not make any claims or guarantees of safety against tornadoes, high winds, earthquake, hail or flood.